Grow Through What You Go Through
Hey everyone, it's Kennedy, and I'll be taking over the TearDrop this week! I hope you're taking advantage of this week and getting the most out of your days. I wanted to start off my TearDrop debut by sharing some positive, practical tips on what has helped me progress to where I'm at today, as well as share a little bit about how I got here.
I am a very transparent human, meaning I'm more open than most about my struggles and what I have gone through. Sometimes being such an oversharer can be frustrating. But with a lot of personal growth and reflection, I have accepted that this is part of who I am. And I'm at peace with that.
We all have things we would love to change about ourselves, whether it's looks, emotions, status, etc. (the list could go on forever). It took me a long time to reach a point of acceptance regarding who I am as a whole. Still, as someone who is always concerned with what other people think or say, I resonate with those of you who are constantly trying to "be enough."
With that, I felt called to share a piece of my life journey for those of you feeling a little "stuck" and struggling with personal acceptance.
A Lil' About Me...
Before this current point in my life, I had been struggling for a long time with self-love and self-motivation.
In high school, I had good grades, a basketball scholarship, and friends and family who loved and supported me. Still, it was so easy for me to compare myself to others because when I looked around, it felt like someone always had it better than me in some respect.
It's easy to look at a person's life from the outside and think, "she has it all." This is a feeling most of us have had; some of us are subject to comparison without even realizing it.
Looking in on my life from the outside, I had a lot of good things going for me, but I was never genuinely happy. Because I wasn't the smartest in my class, I never felt good enough academically. Because I didn't view myself as the prettiest or most in shape, I never felt my body was good enough. Because I wasn't the strongest, I never felt good enough athletically.
And even when I had things in my life to be proud of, I always found ways to criticize myself.
Once I started college, this routine of constant comparison only worsened; I was surrounded by brand new people, all smarter, prettier, or more athletic than me. This cycle continued throughout my first three years of college.
I wasn't happy with myself, and it began to affect my relationships the longer I let it continue.
A Transition Period
At the end of this past school year, I experienced a lot of changes in my life. I wasn't playing college basketball anymore, my grandpa passed away right after the semester ended, and I started living alone for the first time ever.
Initially, all these shifts made for a challenging adjustment because I was a very dependent person. That said, I didn't enjoy being alone for long periods of time, especially because they would bring waves of unhappiness.
The first few weeks living by myself were hard; adjusting to such drastic changes carries with it a lot of emotions. If you're used to being around people all the time and that's taken away, your mind naturally starts uncontrollably racing. However, this duration by myself gave me a lot of time to think and reflect, which ultimately led to so many changes manifesting within me.
When it comes to struggling with mental health, I honestly wish I could say there is some magical instant fix to it all. But it takes time. And it took me a lot of devoted time to allow me to finally become happy with who I am.
I spent this entire summer alone, and it forced me to focus on ME. Looking back, I would've thought I was crazy if I said spending my whole summer by myself would be one of the best things to happen for me.
At first, you might think spending months alone sounds awful...I did too. However, it gave me the time to do things that make me happy without a drop of judgment from others. Now, I almost prefer doing a lot of things on my own.
I learned so much about myself throughout this experience. Most importantly, I discovered that taking the time to reflect and grow from my past would help me be a much happier and more confident version of myself.
Some Thoughts to Take with You
At the end of the day, there will always be someone out there better than me and someone better than you. But there isn't another ME or YOU out there, so why don't we focus on that? We waste so much of our lives trying to prove our worth to others that we lose ourselves in that process.
Do I have my days where I still struggle? Absolutely, and there always will be hard days. But once you make an effort and take the time to prioritize yourself and start accepting who you are, I promise you won't give a damn if others can see that or not.
The people who are meant to be in your life will be there. They'll acknowledge your efforts, and they'll stick by your side through the process. And if some people disappear as you better yourself, they weren't meant to be in your life; that's okay.
Some things I learned from my time alone…
I. Schedule time for yourself.
We get so caught up in life and forget the significance of slowing down. It's so important to make time in your crazy schedule to just unwind and reflect.
II. Choose people who choose you!
Feeling confident in yourself is hard when you're surrounded by negativity. Make sure the people in your life positively impact who you are as a person.
III. It's okay to not be okay.
We're all going through things, big or small. Whatever it is, truly feel it and heal from it. Facing those battles head first is what makes you stronger, and you'll be so happy you did.
IV. Embrace the damn mess.
Life is messy, and some things (a lot of things) are just out of our control. You decide whether you let those things control you. At the end of the day, you should be able to say you did your best with what was in YOUR control. This mindset will lead you down a much happier and carefree path.
Lastly, self-growth can come with some loss because not everyone evolves at the same rate. And that's okay.
Until next time :),
Ken
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The TearDrop is an integral part of the DPRSD brand; these individuals help create our genuine community of love and empathy. For each story, Jerksy has an open conversation with the featured guest, elects a creative direction, then writes and edits everything before your beautiful eyes see it. The process is fueled by an indescribable passion to construct something powerful enough to accurately describe the complexity of our mental health. So if you want to support DPRSD and ensure there are plenty of TearDrops to come, we graciously accept monetary contributions (and yes, $1 is donated).