LET’S TALK ABOUT IT
Before things get poppin’ with this week’s TearDrop, I need to provide a warning about today’s subject matter. For this article, I had the chance to speak openly with a suicide survivor. That said, there will be references to suicide and suicidal thoughts.
Obviously, I cannot speak to what you, as the reader, are experiencing emotionally at this time. So I want you to be aware that today’s content might be more emotionally triggering than previous work. With that in mind, even though a particular subject matter induces more emotions, I don’t wanna ignore or tiptoe around it.
Aight, with all that ~super fun~ stuff out there now, today’s TearDrop features Carson Molle, a 19-year-old from Seymour, Wisconsin. As I mentioned before, Carson is a suicide survivor. But I won’t be using this platform to retell his story, not because it’s unimportant, but more so because I don’t think I could tell that story concisely.
Also, I believe Carson does an incredible job telling his own narrative (which you can check out here, and I highly recommend; it’ll leave you shook). Still, I’ll give a quick rundown of what occurred so you can grasp just how influential Carson is as a human being.
In March 2017, at just 14 years old, Carson attempted to take his own life. He experienced something typical of most middle and high school students; he performed poorly on a test and felt as if he was a disappointment to his parents.
After several hours of letting sickening feelings of worthlessness and self-doubt stir internally, Carson got up in the middle of the night, walked into his family’s garage, grabbed a shotgun, pointed it at his face, and pulled the trigger.
Before the legal driving age, Carson was delicately straddling the line between life and death. Thankfully, he survived. And after years of reconstructive surgeries and therapy, Carson was able to make a full recovery and experience life under “normal” circumstances. But his story stretches beyond his initial recovery.
“My situation really opened my eyes to how important it is to talk to the people that are close to you,” - Carson Molle.
Hearing Carson describe the events that occurred before, during, and after his suicide attempt felt like getting sucker-punched in the gut. I related to those emotions he so candidly shared, and I know many others out there have felt the same thing. But hearing his current outlook on life is perhaps the most uplifting story I’ve ever experienced.
From the jump, I promised I’d keep things real with y’all, which brings me to the first lesson Carson taught me. As soon as I was introduced to Carson’s story, I could feel deep within my heart that I wanted him to be a part of the TearDrop.
But fears kept replaying in my head: What if I say the wrong thing? What if I offend him?? What if my questions are phrased inappropriately? Am I allowed to say the word “suicide”?? Put plainly, I was paranoid I was gonna make a complete ass out of myself because I had never talked about suicide with anyone before that point.
And about two minutes into our conversation, Carson took all that weight off my shoulders. He spoke as openly about his suicide attempt as if our conversation were a YouTube comments section; blatantly honest, open, not withholding in any way.
So yea, speaking about even the darkest moments in life is hard af, super uncomfy, and a little awkward (at first). But because our conversation was so genuine and addressed REAL feelings, we connected on a deeper level, my eyes were opened, and my heart was softened by empathy.
The second (and most glaring) piece of knowledge Carson dropped on me from our short 30-minute conversation is how f*cking insanely powerful the human spirit can be. Carson has been asked countless times, “if you could rewind time would you take back that night?”
His answer?
“If sharing my experience with suicide helps just one person out there, then I believe everything was worth it,” - Carson Molle.
Bruh.
That quote sends chills down my spine every time I read it (which has been like, a lot of times bc I edit the shit outta everything I write).
Being so close to death has taught Carson how valuable life is and everything he has to be grateful for in this lifetime. Honestly, I could write an entire New York Times Bestseller about Carson (don’t sleep on me). I only pulled two of, like, 20 life-altering lessons he dropped on me. But I gotta keep things succinct because our population’s attention span is short af (shoutout social media).
Still, I can’t go without addressing this; I think the ability to look at one of the most traumatic events in your life, speak honestly about it, and THEN use that to implement positive change in the world is nothing short of metamorphic.
“At the time, it feels like the feelings will last forever, but they don’t, and they never do. You can always make it out to the other side,” - Carson Molle.
I owe you a huge thank you, Carson. Your genuine nature and optimistic spirit have stuck with me since we first met, and I know you’ve already initiated positive change for thousands of other individuals struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts.
If you’re battling dark thoughts, the mind can feel more volatile (trust me, been there). And if you’re under the age of 25 (when the human brain’s pre-frontal cortex FINALLY develops entirely), emotions can present themselves as permanent structures in life.
Take a breath. Take a moment.
Understand that (almost nothing) in your life is 100% permanent, especially feelings and emotions—those can change in a heartbeat.
I’ll end by hyping you up. Please know in your heart that you matter (I knowww, such a cliché, but it’s also f*cking true), know that someone out there loves you, know that you are here for a reason, and know that you can 100% make it through those ominous emotions.
By reading and sharing this article, you're actively supporting the DPRSD brand, and I can't thank you enough for that. If you feel called to do so, spread some DPRSD vibes by hitting the share button. And if you're holding a life experience in your head you believe can positively influence others, please reach out to me. I'm always searching for more people to expand and solidify the DPRSD community.
If you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts, please reach out for help. It’s uncomfortable and scary, but it’s worth it. For help and other resources, visit https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or call the national suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255.
xo,
Jerksy
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The TearDrop is an integral part of the DPRSD brand; these individuals help create our genuine community of love and empathy. For each story, Jerksy has an open conversation with the featured guest, elects a creative direction, then writes and edits everything before your beautiful eyes see it. The process is fueled by an indescribable passion to construct something powerful enough to accurately describe the complexity of our mental health. So if you want to support DPRSD and ensure there are plenty of TearDrops to come, we graciously accept monetary contributions (and yes, $1 is donated).
